Courageous, Not Fearless | Part 1

Joel: Hi everyone. Welcome to the blueprint. I'm Joel Galloway and we are here today for a very special episode. We are joined by the person who's always with us. Owner and CEO

T.J. Crosby: Is here?

Joel: of Concrete Careers and EBS HR Consulting, TJ Crosby. But today he is the guest. And so we thought it would be a great opportunity to shed a little bit of light on his story and give us an opportunity just to have a little fun and get to know each other a little bit better. TJ, how you doing?

T.J. Crosby: Hello. I'm doing well. I'm a guest. That's why I'm sitting in my special blue chair. right, right. We we called it earlier I'm

Joel: That's right. Yes. I love it. Love the different decorum.

T.J. Crosby: not sitting in the chair of power, I'm sitting in the chair of vulnerability, right? So

Joel: Well, the vulnerability will shine today then from such a seat, I can assure you. That's right, that's right, of course. I don't see my picture up there, but okay. it's back there. It's just don't worry about it.

T.J. Crosby: Yeah. I'm surrounded by people that love me, right? So I can, Yeah. Yeah. Well it's it's it's way it's like behind I think it's behind this plant right here, it's where it's at. Yeah. We'll we'll pull it out later.

Joel: Okay. TJ, you know, you and I have worked together now for a year and a half. And while

T.J. Crosby: Mm-hmm.

Joel: some would say it was the best year and a half of your life, I

T.J. Crosby: Right, it's fair.

Joel: would say that this has also been a year and a half and a journey here over the three years that you've owned concrete careers that has been very interesting to say the least. And you have spent a considerable amount of time Talking and sharing your story of of your career journey.

T.J. Crosby: Mm-hmm.

Joel: And we love that, obviously. we're very grateful for where that career journey has led because of all of us here that work for you are employed and are gainfully employed due due to due to those actions and the consequences thereof. But for today, I thought it would be interesting to kind of just like, let's just accept that that, you know. Everybody knows all that stuff. And if if you don't, if you are watching this and you don't know TJ's career story, there it's it's out there in in cyberspace on YouTube on our friend Paul Slump Monkeys podcast. He he talks a little bit more about that. That'd be a great place to start. But TJ's story exists out in the world. The thing that I thought would be interesting to kind of peel back is, you know, I know T J. T J and I travel a lot together. And when you travel together, you it's it's more than just office talk, And so I feel like I have an understanding of who TJ is as a person. And not everybody gets that opportunity. So I felt like today would be a great chance to ask the kind of questions that will help shed a little bit of light to our viewers and listeners about who you are on the inside, not just The CEO of Concrete Careers. And so you game, how you feel about that? You nervous? I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm

T.J. Crosby: That sounds good. That sounds good. Yeah.

Joel: gonna take it easy on you. I promise. But I

T.J. Crosby: Yeah, that's fair. That's fair.

Joel: think I think let's just jump right in. Okay. Let's let's talk a little bit about the version of you that people don't know. So I guess my first question would be tell me what you think the difference is between how You are perceived by those in the world around you versus who you actually are on the inside as a person.

T.J. Crosby: I think the you know, it's what's difficult is I don't know how people their own perception, I don't jump into their heads and and understand that fully, but the way it seems, the way I observe that people perceive me is to be pretty impervious, that I'm fairly unflappable, that I'm I'm I'm good, I I know what needs to happen, I'm come up with the plan, I'll have very strong opinions, think I'm right ninety five percent of the time, you know, that kind of vibe. Right.

Joel: Definitely can concur.

T.J. Crosby: and you know, don't doubt myself and you know, don't question my decisions and things like that. And the difference between that and how I am on the inside, a lot of what people see is is fair. It's true that I am pretty confident. I am not one to question myself a ton, but there's a difference between being fearless and having courage. And as a person, there's a lot of things that I'm uncertain about what the decision should be that I mull it over at night sometimes. And I even at one point in my life had to have a journal where I'd write stuff down. Well, here's what could happen, or I'll come running here to the whiteboard to put a to-do list thing. I spend a lot of time thinking about what is the the proper thing to do. especially when it comes to handling relationships and people, because I

Joel: Yes.

T.J. Crosby: care a lot about how people feel and how they're affected and I take it very seriously the livelihoods that I'm responsible for. And to be fearless, I think would be to be reckless and would have sort of have a level of not caring about what happens to everybody else. And so yeah, for think for me, the bravado I give off is like I know what the plan is, I know what I'm doing, blah de blah. But I mean, I'm on some some level I'm that thirteen year old kid with glasses and braces and acting just like, please like me people and please Wanna hang out with me. I mean,

Joel: Yes.

T.J. Crosby: yeah, there's a lot of doubt. I mean, I well, a lot of a lot of my confidence also is just to Christ. And and there's, you know, that Philippians 4 13. It's funny. My my yearbook, my senior yearbook, everybody has these quotes. All mine says

Joel: Yes.

T.J. Crosby: is I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. That's it. And that's honestly been kind of how I've lived my life, is just depending on him to help me figure it out as I go. Yeah.

Joel: Well, but that trust, that does give you courage.

T.J. Crosby: Right. Yeah.

Joel: that's that's absolutely understandable. What do you think something that would surprise people about you if they if they d maybe the people who know you best? What what's one thing you could drop, a little nugget of even the people in your inner circle might be surprised to find out about you?

T.J. Crosby: that's a question. What would they be surprised to find out about me? I for one thing, I I love rom coms. you know, that's why

Joel: Yeah.

T.J. Crosby: like my son asked me today, he's like, or my daughter, one of the two, said what what's your favorite movie? And first my number one is The Holiday, with Jack Black and Kate Winslit. And

Joel: Mm-hmm. Yep.

T.J. Crosby: I don't know if that's like a like a deep surprise. That might be something like, that's interesting. That that you have that. I'm trying to think what's something maybe a little a little meatier. they would be surprised about me. I think that I that I that I worry maybe as much as I do. I I think it's worry is kind of gnaws at me more than people probably probably think. I don't I think I think my the way I approach life helps me kind of abate it quite a bit, but it's always kind of nagging me. just kind of worry in general. But yeah.

Joel: Well, on the outside looking in, even though, like I said, you and I have talked about some of these things through the year, the time that we've been friends, but I still think that when I sit in sit in the meeting room with you or sit on

T.J. Crosby: Mm.

Joel: a Teams call, I my I don't perceive you as being somebody who is worried. I I it

T.J. Crosby: Right, right.

Joel: feels you are often speaking c confidence and reassurance into us.

T.J. Crosby: Mm-hmm.

Joel: And so then when you when when you hear this, it it's perfectly reasonable. You know, it's not, it's, it's

T.J. Crosby: Right, right.

Joel: not, it's not negative at all. It's a human emotion. But

T.J. Crosby: Mm-hmm.

Joel: it is surprising, if you will, because you you do come across as so reassuring and and solid in your decisions. And but but that's that's a weight. There's a there's a lot of consequences for for making big moves in life.

T.J. Crosby: Well, I've had people say that TJ, you not sometimes you'll say that you'll tell us it'll be it'll be all right. it'll work it'll work out, it'll be all right. And they're like, well, you you're that confident that it'll just work itself out. It's like, no, no. I'm confident that I'm gonna work it out. Like, that's the like I'm gonna do what I have to do to make make sure we do land the plane in the right spot, kind of thing. And it but it takes a lot of effort.

Joel: That makes me think of the phrase life's not always about what life's not about what happens to you, it's about what you do after what happens to you.

T.J. Crosby: That's right. Yeah. what I call it the kind of the business, not to get too business philosophy, but if somebody asks me what's the key to success in in growing a business or in having a good career, is make good decisions every day. it's not like, here's the thing we decided to do and that's gonna work out six months from now. It's no like every day you have to respond to what is happening. And make good decisions. It's just like weight loss, just building up your savings account or whatever, or investment account. you have to make it's the small wins every day that makes you ultimately successful. I think that is something

Joel: What?

T.J. Crosby: that I have in me of like that to not not lose sight of that lot. I've got the long term goal, but I'm I don't get so lost in that that I don't like kind of every day know that I need to adjust a little bit here, a little bit there, you know. Or other times you don't do anything. You're like, I don't know enough yet to Maybe I don't need to change anything. Maybe that's just was a blip. I Yeah.

Joel: Well, I mean, I think that's a that's a great segue into us talking about some of those things that have built you to

T.J. Crosby: Mm-hmm.

Joel: and and that process in your life. You know, I think there's so many things that we that are impactful to us that in the moment they happen, we don't even realize that they're actually like a pillar moment of

T.J. Crosby: Yeah.

Joel: who our future self will be or shaping. that version. But what what's something maybe that you look back on now that you experienced when you were growing up that you didn't realize would affect you like it did. But now as an adult, you see that it was of tremendous value or tremendous impact.

T.J. Crosby: Yeah. I have a couple of examples or thoughts, you know. One is more serious than the other. So I'll start with the lighter one and then

Joel: Sure, of course.

T.J. Crosby: I'll share the more serious one. But I was I think third grade. Lived down in southeast Georgia. we were on a ferry to Cumberland Island, I think it was, for a field trip. that was back whenever, for the younger younger folks, we used to take really cool field trips back in the day. we were we were allowed to go do cool things. There was less risk. They worried about less risk.

Joel: Yes, they did. Yep.

T.J. Crosby: But so we were on a ferry to go into Cumberland Island and a girl was beside me, I don't remember who it was. But at that age, even, she said to me, Wow, TJ, you really seem a lot more relaxed than normal. Because we were like, I'm out by the water, we're on this more relaxed vibe. And it's just it's it caught me off guard then and it still stuns me now to think that I have the personality that can be s viewed as so intense, you know. And so that's definitely shaped me. sometimes when you see I I intentionally interject humor, sometimes successfully, sometimes not, maybe, or I don't I don't make everybody stay the line on let's talk about this particular topic. Cause my natural bent would be just to only talk about that. Like that's my natural MO. so that's really helped to guide me to like allow space for to enjoy the moment, right? Not just to only take care of business. because even back to third grade, I would just take care of business. But I think another thing that's helped me, and it was really hard to deal with. so Weston, where are you? He's over here. Weston is named after a good friend of mine who passed away when I was a kid from persistent fibrosis. I was thirteen, I guess. I think he was twelve, I was thirteen. So he was you know, he was a little bit younger than Weston is now. and I for a while I thought it was kind of a detriment that the feeling I had after that was like, like life's short, I'm gonna die anyway. A little bit like what what does this matter, this thing that I'm doing? Like it doesn't in in perspective, it never seems like it's that important, really, compared to how short life is. And I for a long time, up until the last year or so, I view that as a little bit like a negative. man, I wish I didn't kind have that feeling of like I've only got 80 years is the feeling I have. But I actually found a scripture not too long ago that talks about that to number your days is actually helpful in developing wisdom and keeping things in context. So now I I appreciate it. It's is I'm thankful that I've like realized that now. Really difficult thing to deal with and I was honored to be able to name my son after him, but but that life short

Joel: Yeah. That's awesome.

T.J. Crosby: really keeps things in perspective. That's sometimes like it'll work out or it's not that big of a deal. It's 'cause I really don't think it's that big of a deal off the time. I'm like in the grand scheme of things,

Joel: In the grand scheme of life, you're right.

T.J. Crosby: who cares? You know, most things don't matter that much. Yeah.

Joel: truly, when you when you and time in the rearview mirror does give you a way to see that. And I think I it is interesting living our thirties and

T.J. Crosby: Mm-hmm.

Joel: now going into our forties like we are, because now we have past of adulthood to reflect on.

T.J. Crosby: Mm-hmm.

Joel: I think when all you've got is your teenage years, you know, that's just different. You can't You can glean maybe some things from it, but it's not the same thing as having adult experience that to to reflect on, to remind you. I mean, you know, you and I both like, you know, there's been things throughout this year that have been, you know, challenges and and victories and all that stuff. But part of the thing that has helped that that has helped me get through some of those challenges is the reminder in to myself when I look in the mirror and be like, I have endured hard things like this before. God sustained me, He got me through it, and I came out on the other side better for it. And that has given me comfort in new challenges that you're faced that that we face recently. So I think that's really that's really interesting. So what what's a thing maybe that you have learned about yourself that nobody could have ever taught you? It's not a lesson that comes from a mentor. It's it's something that you actually had to dig out yourself.

T.J. Crosby: one of the biggest things is How perceptive I am of other people

Joel: Mm-hmm.

T.J. Crosby: is not normal. you you I think a lot of us, I think a lot of us, I don't know for sure, but it seems like it'd be common to believe that your own experience, your own paradigm is basically the lens that everybody else is using as they move through life. Right. And I've realized more and more

Joel: Toucher.

T.J. Crosby: through time that I would. understand the reason why somebody was doing a certain thing, good or bad. And but people pe people would sort of not realize it is what it felt like. And more and more over time, like, I that's abnormal that I understand

Joel: Yes.

T.J. Crosby: that person's motivation, or I see that they might be a bit of a snake in the grass or whatever. And and so there's nobody that could have taught me that. And there's even people now who will like, even now they'll say, well, you're I don't think you're right. Okay, we'll see, And I don't argue it's no point in arguing because I could be wrong. the thing is like I I don't actually know for certain. That's arrogance if you get to a point where you think you just always know. but yeah, that that and also it's it's cool because I think it gives you an opportunity to re to meet somebody where they are more often. on like the positive side. and on the negative side, it can help you protect yourself a little bit when you see that they're starting to take advantage of you or others take advantage of a situation. anyway. So I don't know if that's a good answer or But that's the Yeah.

Joel: No, there and there are no wrong answers today in particular. This is this is all this is this is what this is supposed to be. Off the cuff. He hasn't read the questions, folks. He hasn't.

T.J. Crosby: Right, right. But what's hard is like when as as a kid, I mean, I try put a lot of trust in my parents and others. And but when you realize that maybe you're seeing a layer that others just aren't, you kind of have to just learn just to trust yourself that like, okay, this isn't this this seemingly isn't available to others. And honestly, one place it showed up is being an HR leader, working for someone else. Part of why I went to go be self employed is I was constantly having to try to help them understand that layer I was seeing that they weren't perceiving. And they would disagree. And it's their prerogative, it's their business. that's, and I didn't stay and rail against and try to convince them to do what I think is best 'cause it's not my business, but that's why I stepped away to cause I was like, Okay, let me just not have to worry about doing that anymore and just yeah, trust myself, I guess,

Joel: Yeah. What's a belief that you had for years that you held that at your age now you have realized was wrong?

T.J. Crosby: I That's a tough one.

Joel: Mm-hmm.

T.J. Crosby: I think coming out of a traditional household with a stay-at-home mom, a working dad, and that sort of thing. it it you kind of grow up again, your paradigm is what you think is like right, you know. And there was honestly a a time when I'm like, how we lived, how we structured our lives, like that was like the right way to do it, you know. Right.

Joel: Yeah, that was the way. Yep.

T.J. Crosby: And Valerie and I happened to do a very similar thing where she stayed home with our kids for a several years she works now outside the home, but but I moved and as I got into my late thirties and forties, I moved away from thinking like one was right, one was wrong. It's like people are just trying to do their best. Like regardless,

Joel: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

T.J. Crosby: I mean life's hard, sin is into the

Joel: Yes.

T.J. Crosby: world and everything's tough, work's hard, child rearing is hard. It's all hard.

Joel: Yeah.

T.J. Crosby: To kind of say like you know, there's not a right or wrong people are just they're doing the best they can.

Joel: Nobody has it figured out. That's the thing. It's like

T.J. Crosby: No. Right.

Joel: I always assumed that by the time I was in my 30s, that I would have it together, like in the sense of have have life figured out, and then you just begin living life. And all I'm figuring out as I get older with every passing year is that nobody has it figured out. They are taking one step, one day at a time, and

T.J. Crosby: Right. Right. Right.

Joel: and doing with that. data and you might have more historical data to glean from to help you make some of those decisions, but it doesn't mean that you've got it figured out.

T.J. Crosby: Right. Yeah, and everybody's living life for the first time. And

Joel: Yes.

T.J. Crosby: and so I'm talking about the child rearing piece is a the more obvious example, but I think just period that how I've chosen to live my life isn't necessarily the right way or the wrong way for others. everybody has to adapt to whatever their upbringing, their circumstances. So there's there's there's really no way to judge somebody else's life.

Joel: You're right.

T.J. Crosby: more and more I've realized why we're not really called to judge is because you don't you don't know all of the story behind how they got to where they are,

Joel: Nobody else knows your whole story but you and the Lord, obviously. But it's it's

T.J. Crosby: Right. Right. Right. Yeah.

Joel: there are a million micro decisions, micro interactions, and experiences that are the math equation that leads to us today, this version of the two of us that are sitting here on this on this show. And there is no way to verbally articulate all of those.

T.J. Crosby: Mm-hmm.

Joel: And so you're right. It's it is hard, I'm sure there are things to judge to judge about. I'm saying there are things to have opinions about, but there is so much that we as people do have opinions about that is absolutely wrong and and a waste of time, act, even agreed.

T.J. Crosby: Yeah. I and I'll say too, a little bit back to a prior question combined a little bit with this one, a formative experience I had in my mid thirties. I was I was working as a HR manager or senior manager, whatever. I can't remember what the title was, but but somebody got hired to come work with me as a contract HR generalist. So working for me and it, but not even in a full time role in a contract role. And I won't name names just because it's not helpful, I don't think. But th this person was it was a a female, you know, late 40s person of color and I flat out asked. I was like, 'Cause she was so capable and so knowledgeable. And I was basically like, why are you working for me? Like, why does it feel like we're backwards? Cause we were backwards. and she said, TJ, it's it's hard to explain how much harder I have to work to be taken seriously in the way you will be. And That lived experience, like people talk about it, but like seeing it with my own eyes, that was also something that like I always valued people, obviously. I haven't like I've I value

Joel: Course.

T.J. Crosby: people for my whole life, but to I guess understand at a deeper level that the playing field is not as fair as people like to think it is and hope that it would be. I mean, it's not and sometimes not even intentional.

Joel: Right.

T.J. Crosby: But to be aware of that. I think really changed my view on how hard I personally would work to try to overcome some of the inherent bias we all have and the things like that. So anyway, that's and I've I'm it's a lot more

Joel: That's interesting.

T.J. Crosby: I've seen it I've seen it pay off and the strength of people around me these days, but it was for what it's worth, for those out there who are leaders, like if you're not valuing true diversity and seeking out people that have a different background and experience and you should 'cause man, there's things you will learn that you thought you knew and you don't have any idea.

Joel: And you don't you don't have a clue. success is great, but it is not painless. And

T.J. Crosby: Right.

Joel: there's a lot of sacrifices, a lot of contradictions, a lot of uncomfortable truths that come with achieving things. So I want to talk a little bit about that and about the uncomfortable side of success. tell me you know I What is something that about your success that maybe you don't particularly enjoy?

T.J. Crosby: So I in the in an earthly sense, I was successful fairly early in life. and really against some odds, you know, I did have a my parents are were married and but I was first generation college, you know, my parents, both of their dads got disabled early in life. And so there was like fairly low income household. That's part of why they knew the one of them went to college. my dad went to the militar military at eighteen and that's kind how he's had the level of success he's had. But so I think I kind of came out with this like energy of just like I'm gonna like I gotta figure it out. Like even going into college, my dad's like, Hey, you gotta figure out you're gonna pay for it. Right. So I chose to live at home and all that. I promise I'm gonna get to a point here. But but but I

Joel: You're fine. You're fine.

T.J. Crosby: I but I came out with such an energy. I mean was fifteen ride my bike up to McDonald's to go ahead and start working there so I can start making money and be able to buy some things that I wanted and All that. And then whatever I started working full time, I set a goal to make a hundred thousand dollars a year by the time I was 30. And I did hit that, right? And then got to be 30. And I was like, okay, what am I gonna do by the time I'm 40? Blah de blah blah. Right. So I've had this huge drive to be successful. not to step on people to get there, but to be successful. great, yay, how hoo, yeah, you're successful and doing well. What people don't understand, and it sounds like you know, first world problems, probably, but is that it's a little bit alienating and lonely because you don't really have peers to relate to. There's not people that are like this similar situation. Like in a per like an easy easy example is you want to go on vacation. It's hard if your friends are like, hey, let's go on vacation and you want to go somewhere that maybe you could afford. But they they couldn't, right? And because there are certain situations, the the normal situation. Like it's not like abnormal, nobody's lazy, nobody's not trying hard.

Joel: Yeah, exactly.

T.J. Crosby: and it feels weird to say this out loud, but it's it it is hard. it's a different kind of hard. A little bit felt like you have to kind of like. put a restrictor plate to borrow from the racing analogy. You kind of put a restrictor plate on your life a little bit

Joel: Yeah.

T.J. Crosby: so as not to because I do care about how the people feel, so as not to make other people feel like they they can't compete. And the perfect example is somebody like, well, it doesn't seem like it matters that much. Well, I went on vacation with some folks, and they had kids, we had kids, you know, and and I chose to pay for the accommodations.

Joel: Okay.

T.J. Crosby: Happy to, right? So we could go and enjoy the time. But whenever it came to buy some time to buy some souvenirs, I I gave my son twenty dollars to go buy souvenirs. Not thinking anything of it. Right. And then later I found out that they had told their kids they could only have five dollars. I was like, man, I've already paid for all that. why why can't you just give them twenty dollars? What's the big deal? And they were like, GJ, you don't understand that I could give them twenty dollars today, but I can't give them twenty dollars every time we go somewhere. I was like, So so realizing what's tough is

Joel: Right. Setting a setting a precedent almost.

T.J. Crosby: even realizing, even trying to meter knowing that I'm getting disconnected from what normal is, right? You guys have teased me a little bit, not in a negative way, but teasing me about the restaurants we eat at or whatever and and it's you just w no matter how hard you try. at some level of success, you start to lose you start to lose reality compared to other people's reality. Cause again, your paradigm is your own. That's all you have to go on.

Joel: Yeah. Right.

T.J. Crosby: Anyway, that's probably been one of the hardest things is even in trying, it's hard to try for one. And then in trying you're still not really doing it well. And then the other piece is there's just not a real peer group around to and when I say a peer group, I mean like where you're like equal footing. Like you're in this job kind of job. I'm in this kind of job.

Joel: I was I was gonna say,

T.J. Crosby: Yeah.

Joel: I was gonna say, this sounds like the mental picture that this is painting to me as I hear you say this is almost like you're you're at a train station and the train you're on, you're riding in the car alone.

T.J. Crosby: Right.

Joel: you're on a train of success. There's other people at different points of that journey to success. They're on different cars of the train, but there's nobody in your train car to talk to because there's nobody right where you are mirroring that. That

T.J. Crosby: Right. Right.

Joel: that's just the the mental picture that evokes for me. And I can I can definitely see how that how

T.J. Crosby: And it's

Joel: that can be challenging.

T.J. Crosby: and it's neat on some level when people reach out and they ask for advice on how to do what I've done or whatever. and love to talk through that and kind of share perspective and whatever, but there's not really like a person to turn to and be like, Hey, you're forty-three and doing this. I mean, there are literally people out there, but like in my circles, there's not a lot. Yeah. Right,

Joel: Right. That you like in your internal circle, yeah.

T.J. Crosby: right. And then Yeah. It's like it's just that's and it's hard because also, you know, I am the age I am. There's people who well sometimes I look at what I've done and be like, how well how did you do that? How could I do that? And I'm like, I I don't really I don't really know. Like is I mean, are you I can give the advice, but like, are you willing to work as hard as I naturally just work? Right. and sometimes it's not even because I'm like, it's effort. It is effort in the sense it takes energy, but I enjoy working. I enjoy

Joel: Yeah.

T.J. Crosby: working hard. And I I'm I'm confident enough in myself to take on the risk, even though I'm worried about it, right? So still step out and do it. So there's all these points where well, how did you get to be where you are? It's like, well, the Lord for one, He's too He gives all of it to begin with. But then it's like working hard, persevering, working. More hours than other people are willing to sometime. it's I don't know. It's it's any number of things. All those micro decisions to your point. Yeah.

Joel: I can I can confirm here as as an as a nearby eyewitness, yes, TJ does enjoy work in a way that is maybe slightly above the average person. I enjoy my

T.J. Crosby: Right.

Joel: job here. And it's not just I'm saying it because he's my boss. I I do. I enjoy the work we do. Hey, this

T.J. Crosby: You'll have to record a separate episode. Yeah.

Joel: what we're doing right now is part of my job. I am loving all of this.

T.J. Crosby: Right. Right.

Joel: However, TJ has this extra level of drive to those things that I think, but that's what it takes. It's a s it's a whole soup. So if somebody says, How did you make your soup taste so good?

T.J. Crosby: Mm-hmm.

Joel: You can't just be like, Well, I added salt. Cause it might not just be that you added salt. It's all of it together. And it might be hard to pull those things out and explain, well, if it's a little bit of this and a little bit of that. It's it's not always easy to share that stuff. So and you're right. There are people I believe 100%. I don't know that I have what it takes. If you restarted me at the beginning of your journey and said, do a playthrough like a video game. I I don't know that I have in me, I wasn't don't think I was equipped, wired, you know, my personality, you know to to follow like this kind of path. I have that same drive, like for example, about my music. Like that, you know, so I'm saying everybody has things that they're passionate about.

T.J. Crosby: That's right.

Joel: TJ is passionate about his work and about, you know, owning a company and and being successful in that way. So there it's it's interesting, but like we're talking about personality, okay? So I want you to tell me s what's part of your personality that has helped you succeed professionally, but might have actually it might make your personal life a little bit more difficult.

T.J. Crosby: My ability to focus. I

Joel: Okay.

T.J. Crosby: I've had people say to me about they'll they'll text me during the day. And I've had people joke, they're like, You're like an old band, you don't text back for hours, or whatever. And a little bit my answer is like, I'm working. And and I get it, but like but but they are, but right? But they are working,

Joel: And you should be too. I'm playing. I'm playing.

T.J. Crosby: but I'm working with such a level of focus.

Joel: Right.

T.J. Crosby: I don't and and my job itself with the two businesses and all that, there's a lot that has to be managed with the people in the team. there's trust. I'm not just sitting here

Joel: Well, it's very reg you have a very regimented calendar for peop for those watching. TJ has the most calendared out life of anybody I've known personally. I'm sure that, the CEO of Microsoft does too. But it's it's it's their

T.J. Crosby: Right, yeah. Certainly.

Joel: his life is blocked out like that on a calendar in a way that I I just was mind blown by to when he turned his phone around the first time and said, Look at this.

T.J. Crosby: Yeah. Right. Right. Well, that's so Cody and I are really good friends and we we we had a we owned Home Fit together at one point. And we were on our I think our first retreat to the Weston in Huntsville because we thought we wanted to be fancy because we had a business, look how important we were.

Joel: Yeah, of course. Yep.

T.J. Crosby: and I guess so this was 13 years ago, so it would been 30 at the time, right? And we're at this hotel and we're working and it's getting into like it's probably like 10 30 at night. And we're having conversations and Cody's like, he looked at me as I was like typing or whatever on something. He said, How are you still going? and this is Cody. Cody is like he he goes

Joel: Yep. C Cody's a goer too.

T.J. Crosby: too, I was like, I d I don't know. I I just I I get energy out of doing this. And so anyway, for what so last day I focused, I I yeah, my calendar, like all of it, like someone like, I feel bad. TJ's working at ten thirty at night. I'm like, Don't worry about me, I'm good. You know.

Joel: there's many times that I'll look at my phone and and his light is green on Teams at in the middle of the night. We've

T.J. Crosby: Yeah. Yeah.

Joel: actually had some great conversations at that

T.J. Crosby: We have.

Joel: late because we both realized we were on the computer at the same time.

T.J. Crosby: Right. But I want to be clear for those of you who are listening to and I'm justified in being having not having a work life balance. I'm being a workaholic. Listen, they know me. I spend time with them in the in the nighttime. We I tuck her into bed every night. we see each other in the morning. I take her to school. It's

Joel: None of this is at the expense of your family.

T.J. Crosby: not at the expense. The reason I'm doing it at night is because I'm allowing that margin for being with them,

Joel: Yes.

T.J. Crosby: so that's one thing I would say I have not sacrificed that part of my personal life for the focus. But Otherwise, because I do make space for them and for her and the work and for you guys, there's not a lot of margin.

Joel: And for me back behind the plant.

T.J. Crosby: Right. Yeah. You back behind the plant. There's not a lot of

Joel: Yeah.

T.J. Crosby: lot there's not a lot of margin for other things left.

Joel: Yeah.

T.J. Crosby: You know? people are like, you play golf?

Joel: There's really not.

T.J. Crosby: No, I don't. Because I'm Saturday, I'm gonna be with my family because I work hard during the week and I wanna be with them, you know. yeah. So that focus that I mean it's such a blessing to be able to focus like that. And if you think it, you'll hear me have said to people the team the word focus, right? Cody, if he's listening, hear me have said focus. I just I do it. I I I sit down and my brain just turns on to figure out what needs to be handled. And okay, that got done. Okay, next, next, I'm not here like clicking around like trying to figure out what to do. I'm doing stuff, So anyway, yeah.

Joel: no, you're very direct you already have a direction. there's there's there's no doubt about that. it's not aimless wandering trying to figure out what's gonna take. you you you're very intentional with your actions.

T.J. Crosby: But but what I love to think, I and I feel like not right away, because people don't people see I think people see how focused I am, especially people on the team or even friends sometimes. I'd be like, he's not gonna make himself available to me because he is so focused. I'm like, no, no, no. if you need me, I'll focus on you. Right. I'll tell the benefit of being able to focus. We've talked about this oscillating fan idea, is that

Joel: Yes.

T.J. Crosby: I can turn and be like, Okay, I'm focused. Let's let's talk, let's figure it out. 'Cause I'll make time for the other things to happen,

Joel: And I've experienced this. It is, it is undistracted focus. if I if I if I sent you a message at ten o'clock at night when you're sitting there working and was like, hey, I need to talk. it's important. You'd be like, Yeah, yeah, yo, what is it? tell me. They there's it's not it's not that the work I've watched this up close. It has never been that the work is more important than the people. Ever. It's it's not. It's because I think your view of it is a it's all of it is important. And you just, like you said, that oscillating fan effect, if there's

T.J. Crosby: Yeah.

Joel: no if there's no people needing me right now, then I'm gonna focus over here on these tasks. So

T.J. Crosby: That's right. Yeah. If they're they're all asleep, nobody's a negative apart from me, maybe I guess, but nobody is negatively affected by, me doing a little bit of work at 10 30 at night. And to be clear, for those who might be listening, might be worried about me. I could my dad and I could drive to South Georgia right now and my grandmother, it could be midnight when we get there. My grandmother would have a pot of coffee on at what is she, ninety five, ninety six, or whatever old? She'd like maybe not that old, maybe ninety. We'll call it ninety. you know.

Joel: Y'all are night owls for sure.

T.J. Crosby: Yeah. And so it's just even that, there's some level of just DNA, how I made, it makes it easier to keep going. Right. Last night Valerie went for a walk with me around the neighborhood. It was like nine o'clock. We got we did a little over half a mile and came back. She was like, I I'm done. are you are you gonna keep going? I was like, No, I'll I'll come back in with you, But she's like, How are you still Yeah

Joel: But you could have.

T.J. Crosby: and I probably would have doing some che teams messages or emails or Yeah,

Joel: TJ Battery.

T.J. Crosby: I don't know. It's just Yeah. Long answer, sorry, but it's just there's a lot that goes into this kind of stuff,

Joel: No, that's I I love these answers.

T.J. Crosby: Yeah.

Joel: What's something that you think Have you ever achieved something that you thought would make you happy, but then once you did you realized that it it didn't actually make you happy?

T.J. Crosby: Yeah. every almost anything that I own. it's not that ain't it. it's just it may sound obvious to some people. Experiences are where it's at. There is a reason I like to go eat at nice restaurants or whatever, 'cause I've learned the experiences are much more enjoyable. Now I will say there's probably people listening who would be not wrong to say that, well, it's because you have a baseline level of comfort in having nice things or whatever, that you can e enjoy those other things more. That's I'm sure true. Yeah.

Joel: I understand that, but I still see what you're saying.

T.J. Crosby: But do I really do I really get that jazz about owning my my truck or having the house we live in? Not really. There's times I feel like the house is more than we want, right? or the truck, I'm like, I really need that. And so yeah, the the st the stuff doesn't make you happy. for sure. And again, when you have you have nice things, we're like, Yeah, yeah. You have nice things, easy to say, but you know, yeah.

Joel: But I but I still think that we're obviously you're talking about the difference between somebody having their their baseline needs met. I think anybody that you put in that situation, and

T.J. Crosby: Right. Right.

Joel: I know that we keep referencing, our faith here, but that's biblical as well. I

T.J. Crosby: Yeah.

Joel: this material stuff will will pass away and our relationships, you know, with those around us and what we do for Christ is what matters. And and so it makes perfect sense to say that. I agree with you. you could have you can have all of it. Some some of the wealthiest materialistic in in a material way people in the world are the loneliest. And and they'll

T.J. Crosby: Yeah. They are.

Joel: they'll tell you it's it's because it doesn't it doesn't actually buy happiness. These athletes and stuff, fine thinking I saw the one the one that when this kill question came up, the first thought I had was there was a football player. Who was talking about, and I don't remember who it was, but he he just his entire life growing up and playing football through high school and college and then going to the NFL. It was the whole thing of if I could just win a Super Bowl, I will have

T.J. Crosby: Yeah.

Joel: I that's it. And then he did, which is unbelievable, you know, statistically almost impossible, you know, like unlikely for one single person. But he did it. And when it was over, he was like, wait a second. This hasn't fixed anything about me. it's it's interesting.

T.J. Crosby: Yeah. What's interesting too about that is somebody who is is naturally driven. I wish I knew the guy's name that does a podcast. He's the the guy with like the close cropped hair or whatever. But he talks about the people that are naturally driven, their their success pinnacle for a lot. I think they feel like for a lot of people, they'd be like, Yes. That was awesome to kind of rest in that, like enjoy that that moment. For somebody who's naturally driven, like somebody like me, you're like, All right, great, found my new baseline.

Joel: Next.

T.J. Crosby: And that to borrow from the West Wing. What's next? You know? And man, that's like and so you have to be careful not to do that with the stuff. Cause I'm like, I don't really want an eight thousand square foot house or whatever it might be. w that would be so much to have to worry about and think about and deal with, you know. anyway.

Joel: But it's also I feel like cause I'm not as much like that. And I mean, I have goals. I have dreams and I'm chasing them and all that.

T.J. Crosby: Right. Right.

Joel: But I can imagine though, it's like that the dog from like the cartoons. We were talking about cartoons earlier.

T.J. Crosby: Right.

Joel: You remember when I don't know if it was Bugs Bunny, it was the dog and they put the the stick on the collar with the stake hanging in front of them. And

T.J. Crosby: yes, yep, right.

Joel: so they just were running. It it's like that. It's like you you It just feels I can imagine that that would be different, very different experience to live that whole. Like it's like, hey, like when you hit when you reach this milestone, like great. I mean, it's kind of the way Nick Saban used to talk. He was like, I will celebrate, I will relax for the day after we win national the national championship for that one day. And then immediately it's next year. And I'm gonna tell you, like, as somebody who is not got that level.

T.J. Crosby: Mm-hmm.

Joel: of focus and drive. That feels exhausting. Like

T.J. Crosby: It would it it is exhausting and I would say that it's not and I I'm not smart enough to know where the balance is, but it is not a spirit of contentment. Like there is a point, there is a point that you have to try to figure out that it enough's enough. This is like let's let's live let's sit in this, let's r as my mama said, let's rest in this for a while. that That's the part that's hard to hard to figure out. It's like when do you when is enough enough? and I don't know the answer. but maybe one day I'll figure it out. I'll let you know.

Joel: The conversation continues in part two with TJ Crosby. Make sure you stay tuned for that. And until then, I'm Joel. We'll see you next time on the Blueprint.